To begin with you have mashed potatoes, these come in two varieties however only one will be discussed here. The “instant” variety is the choice of children. One of the leading reasons for this is that its instant, providing a quick fix for kids of any age and mothers with kids of any age. Boil water, add flakes, and you’ve got something the kids can devour as “sustenance,” between meals. Aside from the instant aspect of this meal is the fact that mashed potatoes are easy to eat. When you’ve barely mastered the fine art of swallowing, mush is about as easy as it gets. After having my wisdom teeth out I found mashed tatters to be a virtual gift from god. (It really is a fine art; everyone still gags from time to time; showing that, swallowing is also an imperfect art.)
Next are tatter tots. These are representative of everyone’s formative preteen and early teenage years. Tatter tots are almost always processed and marginalized amongst the members of potato family. How better to represent the angst of those wondrous years of awkwardness than manufactured faux potato bits. Also it goes with every kind of condiment.
French fries are the transitionary category representing those years when one must determine who and what they’ll be. French Fries don’t work with everything the way that tatter tots do. They instead feel slightly more refined. French fries come in different shapes, sizes, and baking directions. For this reason they represent the gradual diversification of individuals through college and work and life. But best of all, they go good with fry sauce. I likes fry sauce.
The most dignified and regal of potatoes, the baked potato. This potato knows exactly who it is and what it wants to be. It only needs simple condiments to reach true deliciousity. Butter, always. Sour cream, depends on the day. Salt, well it goes with the butter. The true beauty of the baked potato is that it works as the base of and anchor of so many good meals. One must love the simplicity of the baked spud. The other reason why the baked potato works as the adult is because it can regress to mashed status; yet still maintains a superior succulence to the instant variety.
The only potato that could possibly represent old age are has browns. Worn down and wrinkly, more often than not over cooked, especially when ordered from a restaurant, it just screams with the cynicism that over takes so many seniors.
